So, we have dealt with the back and forth with DHS.  I’ll spare you the two and a half months worth of DHS drama, but essentially, they told us initially that Boo would need to be separated from her little brothers because she had become too “parentified”.  We immediately requested an ICPC to bring her the 1500 miles to our home, and DHS agreed to it.  Bad sign for Wren.

Husband and I are, in theory, all for keeping siblings together, especially those who are already so strongly bonded.  But the kids’ county didn’t put up too much of a fight when we requested Boo, and in fact, never even asked us to take the boys. So, now we’re preparing for our Boo to come back to us after all these years.  She was my first baby, when I was just 23 years old, and was with me from when she was 12 months old through 24 months old.  I’ll never forget how my arms ached after she left.  I would lay down at night, and they would literally ache from not carrying her during the day, from not hugging and loving on her.  Her and her brother’s departure launched, in retrospect, the most trying two year period of my marriage and my life.  And now she is coming back at ten, almost eleven, years of age.  The little girl who once knew me as Mommy will be back in our home.

My feelings about this are nothing if not ambivalent.  I mean, I’m so excited she’s coming back- BEYOND thrilled. But why did she have to leave in the first place?  I was the only Mom she knew.  Why couldn’t she have stayed and been saved the heartache and grief this recent removal and termination has begun and will be sure to bring?  Were those 8 years with her mom worth it?  What about the last year or so?  Does she even recognize her mom as a different person?  Did she sense anything was wrong? Will she grow up and resent us for adopting her?  I realize I am assuming here that Wren’s rights will be terminated soon, and while I know nothing is certain in Foster Care, I am relatively sure this will occur swiftly due to the severity and sensational nature of this case.

I wonder if Boo will grow up thankful for the time she DID have with her mom? For the happy memories she’s sure to have of a better time, when her mom was loving and present? How can I possibly be so selfish as to covet those years and wish to steal them for myself instead of Wren?  Especially when I know that if J and Boo and stayed with us, we never would have had Little Lady. I’m a walking contradiction of feelings and emotions.

Our house, once perfect for foster kids, has changed significantly. The office has become Little Lady’s nursery and the office has moved out onto the dining room table. The two back bedrooms, once upon a time two kid bedrooms, are now a room for finishing wood projects and holding materials for husband’s business that can’t be left out in the cold garage, and a storage/guest room filled with off-season clothing, old books, extra blankets, and hand me downs from friends for Little Lady when she gets older.  Generally, this would not be a problem if we had a basement, attic or a garage to store all this extra stuff, but we don’t. I’m going to have to start working on clearing out the guest room and trying to figure out what to do with the rest of the stuff. If I pack it all up in storage bins, I’m hoping my mom will let me store a lot of it at her house. ‘Cause my mom rocks.  Hope I’m as awesome a mom as mine is.